In this video, I make a case study of my core abuser, my #sadistic #paedophile #covertnarcissist #murdering #babyrapist of a so called ‘father’
I have intentionally WITH HELD his address, middle name, surname, date of birth, family address and so on.
This video IS offered as a study on a middle class, covert, sophisticated, practised and well connected paedophile. To share my story and hopefully raise awareness and help protect others.
This pathetic husk of a man, is called Roger, is in his early 70’s and currently lives in Thailand… his active camouflage (shy, prudish, posh, helpful, naive) is so effective, that when he moved out there years ago, my (former) brothers and I were perplexed due to how prim and proper he was, he did get a younger girlfriend in her 50’s but was always very emphatic she wasn’t “of of those bar girls”
With what I’ve now remembered about my childhood, I am sure that he and his weird little friends are frequenting bars and raping little boys and little girls over there. Thailand is such an obvious location for paedophile sex tourists…. It just didn’t click at the time because my memories were so deeply repressed, and my trauma bond to him so deep.
He first raped me as a two month old baby…. and in those first months of my life, I have relived almost binary code/root commands of “connect” “connect” looking around desperately as a baby for a safe baby to attach to, and only him there, standing over me, the ‘man’ who had just raped me.
He prided himself very much, on how meticulous and practised he was…. only abusing me in the hours of dark as a general rule, and using particular stroking movements and nursery rhymes to bring me in and out of a disassociated state.
In his paedophile ridden family… there was a terrible family tradition in which the abuser parent indoctrinated the eldest child, who was then groomed and conditioned to indoctrinate the next sibling down, which would then ‘open the door’ to the abuser parent being able to rape that child, who would then initiate the next child and so on….
By following such ‘rules’ and “ancient traditions” my father genuinely believed he wasn’t a paedophile… because he did it for a ‘higher cause’ he hoped to worm his way up the strata of the network he was heavily involved in, hoped to bring his family name back into esteem… he wanted to become one of the #twistedgentry those high level, tweed wearing, toffee nosed paedophile scum..
He NEVER broke me, despite the tortures and the gang rapes and the terror and the drugging and the machinations and the sadistic grooming’s and betrayals….
I AM UNBROKEN
I was sent away to such terrible places, to the professional breakers of children, who also could NOT break me….
I defeated this monster as a child, he lost rank and privilege, exhausted his favours in the network he was part of..
I gave so much, suffered so terribly to try and protect my younger brothers, my vulnerable narcissist of ‘mother’ who was also abusing me..
And despite how my disgusting and cowardly ‘family’ has abandoned and smeared me once again. I am and I was, a HERO who survived evil on a TERRIBLE scale.
13:25 His Network
22:26 Myself as his/a golden child
30:52 The Golden Lure
34:04 The family tradition
48:28 I’ll be NOTHING like my ‘father’
54:56 The dynamics of ‘special/secret time’
01:15:28 WOLF 01:20:13 His false persona
01:38:52 Closing thoughts
* MAPS.org (website for Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies, they also have a podcast)
* www.reddit.com/r/mdmatherapy/ (an excellent subreddit in which you can get any question answered surrounding MDMA assisted therapy)
* Book: “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk
* Book: “Waking the tiger” by Peter Levine
* Book: “Healing Trauma” by Peter Levine
* Book: “The language of emotions” by Karla MacKlaren
* Book: “When the body says no” by Gabor Mate
* Book: “The body remembers” by Babette Rothschild
* Book: “Ancestral medicine” by Daniel Foor
* https://thedirtiestsecret.blogspot.com/2008/08/pedophiles-know-dissociationdo-you.html (a horrifying aspect of CSA which we ALL need to be informed about)
* https://csasurvivors.home.blog/2020/01/10/the-false-memory-myth-memory-repression/ (excellent blog covering most aspects of CSA)
* https://larrysanger.org/2019/12/why-pedophilia-is-evil/ Narcissism resources:
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWUDLnMfH7Y (mind games and tactics of female narc)
To Lead by example
To seek truth, no matter how terrible
To do the right thing, no matter the cost
The oldest of our Sacred Laws: The blood of the innocent shall NOT be defiled.