EVERY abuser at their core, has a dark, parasitic, narc like energy.
One of the characteristics of a narc/covert narc… Is to weave a false image which they project outward to camouflage themselves….
And the most effective lies are ones that the teller BELIEVES.
Really abusers say things like, “the child wanted it/invited it” etc…. AS a way of on some level, justifying and excusing what they do – to themselves…. When really they are driven by their own inhuman, inverted and fucked up desires and impulses.
And because they ‘believe’ it SO strongly, it becomes almost a form of word spell with its own power, which can be incredibly compelling to others, especially to a vulnerable and terrified child, it can even be enrolling to adults, despite how ridiculous and preposterous the lie IS.
Deeeeep down, they don’t believe it, but they project and discard their own momentous shame and self hatred, onto – into their victim… As a form of narcisisist projection and emotional discarding.
They tell themselves that they do it because they love the child, because it’s good for the child, it doesn’t hurt the child, etc…
All manner of bullshit and batshit crazy, self serving lies…
Really they know deep down what they are, how far they have fallen, the sacred law they have broken and how truly fucked they are as a soul….
But they wriggle and avoid such truths like the plague, clinging to their false image and justifications…
Some of the most brutal, most terrifying abusers I came across in my story, were the ones who had less of a need to lie to themselves about their own reasons and justifications, still they lied to them self, but there was a deeper acceptance within them of the evil they did… There was something particularly brutal and horrifying about these ones.
But ALL of them lie to themselves, in this greasy and slimy and serpentine and self serving way….
They really are disgusting, and they simply don’t work or operate like a normal human being any more… They’re just very good at mimicking a human being to the outside world and to themselves at least.
But really they are shallow, craven, demented, possessed, broken, dark, vampiric, broken things… Enactors of evil, of the most terrible evil it is possible for a human to commit.
So it’s both, they convince themselves that their lies are true, but deep down they know it’s a lie, and they wiggle and worm to avoid that deep and uncomfortable truth.
They can NEVER accept the truth. Because it would mean they would have to face what they are and what they have done, and they are all weak and cowardly things at heart, they could never find the courage to do this… Which is ironically the thing they must do IF their soul is to face any hope of salvation.
They are beyond fucked, something is waiting for them upon death, something they cannot escape, I have seen it, and it fucking terrified me even though I was innocent and true.
I chuckle to myself sometimes, at the terrible fate that is coming to them all… And how they ultimately chose this for themselves, in their weakness and betrayal of everything that it means to be human.