Dear Men and Women

Part 9 in my journey and remembering of CSA, stuff starts getting ‘out there’ – in the footage you see my ‘first round/layer’ (of many) replaying a gestalt that I came to call “the last Breaking”…

Please watch #1, #2, #3 etc.. before this, #1 in particular covers a lot of points around the medicine and preparation and so on.

In this video I describe what happened after the second treatment completed – throughout the evening, I then share footage of a somatic process I had in the morning on my own on the living room floor while not under the influence of any substance, I then go over the notes I took on that footage… finally describing what happened on my drive home later that Sunday and upon reaching home.

It’s a really big moment to share, thus the longer video as it transitions from the treatment to me being able to process this stuff on my own, which by God made it easier to do so without the interference and high jacking of the so called facilitator.

03:31 The evening after the 2nd MDMA treatment
24:21 Sunday morning somatic process footage
1:09:00 Notes taken about Sundays somatic process
1:23:52 Sunday drive back and the evening at home

(please note this footage was originally recorded 2 years ago, and at the time of initially re-experiencing it, I was aware that I was under 10 years old. I came to understand that my most accurate age sense was that I was actually a 5 and a half year old boy when these events occurred, while we lived in Africa as ExPats)

WARNING: In this video I use footage from after my second treatment in which I was reliving being raped as a child by several invisible adults, also I started having recollections of a girl who was murdered alongside me, some may find the content triggering or upsetting, proceed accordingly.

Caution: I am NOT a health professional, and before undertaking any therapy of any description please consult with a therapist AND do LOTS of your own research (inside AND outside of societally prescribed boxes), some resources are provided below.

* (website for Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies, they also have a podcast)
* (an excellent subreddit in which you can get any question answered surrounding MDMA assisted therapy)
* Book: “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk
* Book: “Waking the tiger” by Peter Levine
* Book: “Healing Trauma” by Peter Levine
* Book: “The language of emotions” by Karla MacKlaren
* Book: “When the body says no” by Gabor Mate
* Book: “The body remembers” by Babette Rothschild
* Book: “Ancestral medicine” by Daniel Foor
* (a horrifying aspect of CSA which we ALL need to be informed about)
* (excellent blog covering most aspects of CSA)

Narcissism resources:
* (mind games and tactics of female narc)
* (narcissistic pseudo spirituality)
* (how to break the spiritual bond with a narc)

To Love
To Protect
To Lead by example
To seek truth, no matter how terrible
To do the right thing, no matter the cost

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